Love's not a competition

Anything other than yes is no

Anything other than stay is go

Baby, are you down, down, down, down, down?

So baby don't worry, you are my only,
You won't be lonely, even if the sky is falling down,
You'll be my only, no need to worry,
Baby are you down down down down down,
Dowwwnnnnn, Dowwnnnnn,
Baby are you down down down down down,
Downnnnn, Downnnnnn,
Even if the sky is falling down..

***



Baby, you know you're my world ♥
Sounds like I'm kidding.



I'm not.

If we're lost, don't turn around

I helped you out of yourself

And right back in
You say it's foolish
But there's something that you missed

You want a car with a clean interior
I've been far but it's never been serious
Take your time, take your time to arrive
Take your time, take your time

We move slow down the roads
With the lights out, you whisper soft,
"If we're lost, don't turn around"
We'll take our time, take our time to arrive
We'll take our time, take our time

Where we are
There are no ceilings where we are
I could be anywhere as long as I'm with you

We watch the sky from side of the interstate
And recite favourite lines from the songs that play
We took our time, took our time to arrive
We took our time, took our time

Where we are, there are no ceilings where we are
I could be anywhere as long as I'm with you

-










Day 6/50.
Hardest day yet.
IMYSM.

49 days to go

Oh, I wish I had my boyfriend... Wish I had a pizza (Hawaiian) and a bottle of wine (Brown Brothers).

Sugar, we're going down

Came home from watching New Moon with Pat tonight.

I'm embracing my inner cougar... Jacob was pretty frickin hot. Case in point:

I've got to remind myself he's 16, gross. I'm old enough to be his... older sister.

The night was capped off with a wonderfully nostalgic drive home, circling my neighbourhood thrice, in Pat's newly christened karaoke car, blasting Fall Out Boy and singing at the top of our lungs,

"Keep quiet
Nothing comes as easy as you
I'll be your best kept secret and your biggest mistake
The hand behind this pen *mumble mumble* a failure everyday"

And because I just can't help myself:

B&Y

16 April 2009

Dear B,

How did we get like this? Even though I know our issues have been brewing beneath the surface for a long time now, this still came as a huge shock to me. I never imagined a fight we couldn't recover from; we just always seemed to find a way. It's why it took me this long to come to terms with not having you in my life, at least not as much as I would've liked.

I've been living in a little bubble for a long time now, and I know I didn't treat you the way I should've. Although I've gotten better at facing problems rather than running away from them, I still have a long way to go. Everytime I had a sneaking suspicion that your feelings were resurfacing, I'd treat you horribly, trying to reverse them somehow. I know now how badly I handled it. Pretending your feelings didn't exist was easier at the time and denial is a very powerful defense mechanism.

I've come to the realisation that we actually had a quasi-boyfriend-girlfrield friendship. Highsight's funny like that. You definitely went above and beyond the duties of a best friend, and I'm ashamed to say I got more accustomed to that than I should have. I relied on you way too much, called you way to often, at the most ungodly of hours, and you were always so gracious, listening to my most trivial of predicaments. I do wish you got something... anything from our friendship, though I can't for the life of me pinpoint a single thing, and for that I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You were a great best friend; better than I gave you credit for. I took you for granted, and I know it's too late now, but I just want to tell you how much everything we've been through means to me. I really have no idea how you stuck around for as long as you did.

I also want to apologise for everything I said the last real time we talked. I acted so rashly, and wasn't thinking how harshly I was coming across. At that point, I was fed up. You were acting grumpy again, and I had suspected you had feelings for me, fully expecting that that recurring cycle of us not talking was coming back around. Marty, just know I wasn't sick of you, I was sick of the cycle. I realise now that in trying to avoid it, I may have been the one to actually restart it. Again, I'm so sorry for what I said, from the bottom of my heart.

Over these past months however, I've realised how much happier you seem; like a burden has been lifted from your shoulders. Of course, it hurt at first. I felt alone, and confused, and abandoned. Everytime I tried to contact you, you were distant, and when you were around me, you always seemed so miserable. I got the message. I finally decided to leave you alone, partly to see if you would intiate contact this time around. I felt every time we had a cyclical break from each other, I was always the one who made the effort to somehow keep our friendship afloat, to keep contact. You yourself said that it was normal for you not to talk to me as often when you had feelings for someone else. That I understood, but I didn't understand why that had to mean we'd have to lose contact altogether, like what had happened last time. You have no idea how hard it is when that time of year came around; not being able to see you, to pick up the phone when I woke up in the morning, or message you a random hello when I'm bored on the bus ride home. I don't let go of people I let myself get close to. Hell, I still have the same best friend as I did when I was eight years old.

And even though it's been hard to let go, the weird part is seeing you happy actually comforted me. I know I screamed I hated you at Pat's and Ian's, but what I really meant was that I hated that I didn't. Even after everything we've been through and after all the shit we've pulled, I genuinely do wish you all the best, and I don't regret for a second that you were a big part of my life once upon a time. There will always be a huge part of me that loves you.

So I've come around to understanding you've been right all along. Maybe it is the best for you that we went our separate ways, and now I'll finally stop harbouring the desire for us to go back to the "good old (old) days". I just want to wish you a very happy 21st birthday for next month, and a very happy rest of your life. I mean it.

With all my heart,
Y

Making my first mixtape in a while...

It only made me realise just how many songs remind me of you

My new fascination...

A proud day for all Catholics...

Fake or not, this is gold.

I've finally let go

Who knew all it took was a public breakdown and a letter?

A Series of Fortunate Events

I came to the concert with no preconceived notions or expectations, and very little excitement, but Keane was… Wow. That night was the most fun I’ve had in ages, not to mention the luckiest night ever!

As the friend I was going with, Will, did not particularly care for coming early, I made it to the line alone by 4 o’clock that arvo, and already, there was a cluster of six keen/Keane fans. A couple of them, Anna and Charlotte, even travelled from England to follow Keane around on their tour in Australia.

Not even fifteen minutes into waiting, Tim (the main composer/pianist for Keane) entered the venue. A few of the guys rushed to the back entrance to meet him, and I followed suit, not even knowing his name at the time. I got a picture with him and he signed a printout of Melbourne’s setlist for me (which some guy in the line had given me minutes prior). Unknowingly, I waved to what I thought was a crew person, who ended up being Keane’s unofficial touring band member, Jesse! My bad.

Not long after, Tom and Richard (singer and drummer, respectively) entered the venue, but didn’t stop for a chat. However, Richard eventually popped out to have a little chat with the line. I thought he was mates with the people at the front of the line, but when they started taking pictures I was wondering, “Who is this guy?” It was Richard! Oops. Anyway, I ended up getting a picture with him. At this point, my best friend Kat and her boyfriend G came to keep my company in line, and I was getting quite buzzed to see Keane.

Kat and G eventually left, and Will finally arrived after the line had already quadrupled. Me and Will immediately headed to the Pavillion (how classy), while the lovely friends I met at the line minded our spot. After downing about 8 standard drinks in the span of half an hour, we were SLOSHED!

And the drinking continued as we waited by the stage’s barricades. Man, I was so shattered that during the Ivy’s (support band) set I had a drunken interaction with the lead singer that went as follows:

Me: What’s your name?

Singer: We’re the Ivys.

Me: No, what’s YOUR name?

Singer: Luke (haha), what’s your name?

Me: Dianne.

I ended up asking for their drummer’s name too, and, according to Will, the bassist and drummer ended up high-fiving over it. There was a guy videotaping their set too, so our conversation is on record for my drunken shame to live forever. Anyway, I ended up scoring the drumstick handed to me directly from Luke, woohoo!

Then Keane took to the stage. As they have a piano-based, generally easy-listening sound, I was definitely surprised at the energy they had on stage. Especially Tom, who bounced and danced around the stage. At one point he jumped onto the barricades right in front of me! Good golly, did the female (and even male) fans get handsy!

They had a three-song encore, ending with their classic, Bedshaped. The crowd sang back to him, “What do I know, I know? Whoa” and lingered minutes after their set finished, chanting, “Encore! Encore!”. Er, they just did one guys.

Anyway, crew started throwing out random pieces of memorabilia to the crowd: drumsticks, picks, etc. There was only one thing I was after: the setlist! With a sea of hands outstretched with mine, I figured my chances were pretty bleak, especially since the length of my arms were half of theirs even though I was right at the front. Gah, the drawbacks of being Asian-sized. The roadie ended up handing the setlist directly to me, even dodging other assailing hands. I couldn’t believe my luck. And he ended up throwing me one of their water bottles! (I later saw this roadie in background a few of my pics of the left hand of the stage looking into my camera, funny that!)

Afterwards, I ended up catching the Ivys and having a chat with the boys, who remembered me, woohoo! I got pictures with them, of course, and got them to sign my drumstick. I couldn’t find the sharpie I’d “borrowed” so I got them to sign it using my liquid eyeliner, lol! Will and I ended up leaving, only to return to see if could catch Keane on their way out. What’s the point of having the setlist without their autographs, anyway? I did end up meeting them again, and finally got my picture with the last band member, Tom. Oh, and they all signed my setlist with the sharpie that had miraculously reappeared.

Buzzing from all the luck I’d had that night, Will and I decided to push it by trying to get into The Ivy (semi-exclusive/pretentious club) wearing an un-collared shirt, and an oversized T-shirt as a dress, respectively. Seeing the guys in front of us being barred because they weren’t VIP members, or on theguestlist, or whatever excuse the bouncers pulled out of their ass, I was already inwardly planning where else we could take our after-party. And what do you know? With our best “I don’t care” attitudes, we got in! There was a roped off, VIP room guarded by a bouncer, and after psyching ourselves up, we tried to get in. Luckily, I got in again, what the hell. Unfortunately, as Will wasn’t wearing a collared shirt, the lady wouldn’t allow him inside, even with my please don't to separate me from my “boyfriend”. I left Willfor a few minutes to explore, and was soon bored with the place.

We ended up just making the last train home, and I was already starting to feel the beginnings of a hangover, with a sore coarse throat to boot. Fortunately, I had a bottle of water handy and drank it despite my plans to keep it as a souvenir of sorts.

To my surprise, the following morning I woke up hangover-free, and with no sore throat, despite my constant yelling throughout the concert. In the past, I’ve drunk far less and yelled less loudly and frequently, and ended up insanely hungover and sick for weeks on end.

It was a lucky night indeed.

xx Di

(Trivial) Things that are currently bothering me

* The sore on my bottom lip left by my stupid teeth that couldn't help but bite it on the same spot four times in a row. Someone must've been really shit-talking about me that day. For clarity, google: ridiculous Filipino superstitions.

* The Fray clashing with my philosophy test, and with a weighting of a whopping 25%, bailing on the test is utterly unjustifiable, even by The Fray. I'm trying to privately negotiate a different date / time with my LIC since missing a concert just doesn't fly on an official Special Consideration form, even when it's euphemised as an "important prior commitment that cannot be missed nor rescheduled." Whew! Crisis averted.

* Recently having to start wearing a bra in my own house due to the arrival of a permanent visitor.

* Hangovers. While I'm fortunate enough not to be currently suffering from that affliction, I haven't been able to drink OJ or coke (even minus Vodka and JD) without feeling the need to gag in memory of a particularly agonising morning a couple days back. It's true what they say about smell being closely linked with memory, and by 'they', I'm going on the authority of the trivia found on the peely-offy bit of Libra pads.

* My current lack of finances, worsened by the news of my ineligibility for the $900 stimulus bonus, and the onslaught of 21sts happening over this March/April season... Current party count: 8, with at least 5 other people with unofficial / unannounced birthday plans.


Random group shot from Friday night, cause I like pictures, even blurry ones.

me & my sister. how'd those love hearts get there? :p

Mothers are from Mars, Daughters are from Venus

Another day, another argument with my mother.

While I do love that woman to bits, it seems we have close to nothing in common, save for our genetic makeup.

In another of our classic quarrels, things got heated when the topic of relationships and marriage filtered its way into conversation. I casually commented on the fact that my friends and I are closely nearing the typical age for settling down, and that where relationships are concerned, I'm still unaccustomed to thinking so far ahead for marriage to even rate a blip on my radar.

To my surprise, this is about the point where mum blew a gasket. What ensued was an impassioned 15-minute-long tirade. In a nutshell, she reckons a relationship is a mere formality before an inevitable marriage, which I understand a lot of people believe too, but it was the "inevitable" part that bothered me. She practically equated the commitment level of entering into a new relationship to getting engaged.

In the battle between my mind and my mouth, the latter won, predictably. I argued how preposterous it is to not get into a relationship unless you were certain he'd be your future husband. By her logic, I'll be marrying my next boyfriend! (Fingers crossed it's Jake from Say Anything, haha, joke!) To make matters worse, I decided to compare relationships to test driving multiple cars before deciding on the right one. Unwise, so unwise. To a strict traditional Catholic mother's ears, I might as well have confessed I was a slut.

I suppose there was never going to be a right answer besides, "You're right, mum, you're absolutely right."

x Dianne


Note to self: Blog about last week... Soundwave, Death Cab, etc.

This is so frickin hard

NADAL WON THE AUSTRALIAN OPEN! HELL YEAH!

"Rog, sorry for today... I really know how you feel right now, is really tough, but you remember you are a great champion, you are one of the best of the history, you are going to improve 14 of Sampras for sure." (cute accent and all)


I think Joanna Griggs said it best:

"Champions on the court. Gentlemen of the court."

Can't wait for Roland Garros!

x Dianne



-
Favourite men's tennis matches off the top of my head:
1. Nadal vs. Federer (Wimbledon, 2008)
2. Nadal vs. Verdasco (Australian Open, 2009)
3. Roddick vs. El Aynaoui (Australian Open, 2003)

Total recall

Pearl's being recalled!

Toyota's recalling their Yaris' due to some seatbelt defect that causes it to catch alight after crashes. For some reason, I figured Pearl would be an exception (major wishful thinking), but I'm going to have to take her down to the Toyota dealer on the weekend. Boo! Apparently, it's not a huge deal to fix, taking less than an hour.

I am proud to say, though, that the first time that Pearl needs to get fixed is not my fault. I'm not so crash-hot behind the wheel (poor choice of words, but you get what I mean) so it's no surprise I've managed to accumulate multiple "mishaps" on the road.

I've kerbed the wheel when turning left... twice. The rims are barely silver on that wheel anymore. I've hit the front bumper driving onto my cousins' driveway. I've backed into my garbage bin. But the most dangerous (and funniest) one of them all was when I swerved onto the wrong side of the street after a bus had abruptly stopped in front of me. And that's not the worst of it: there was one of those long-ish islands in the middle of the street so I had to speed past it to get back to the right (ie. correct and left) side of the street. And did I mention there were oncoming cars?

All of these occuring in the short span of 20 days, haha. Well, there have been no near-accidents this past week, so I'm learning! :)


x Dianne




-
Still reading: The Bronze Horseman by Paullina Simons

Day 2 and 3

Yesterday was definitely hard on the detox diet front. It was my high school buddy Ginny's farewell that I'd organised the previous week and what restaurant did I decide on?

Max Brenner.

So, basically, I was seeing, smelling, breathing chocolate mere centimetres from my grasp. Just not eating it.

It was torture, but by some sort of miracle I resisted the temptation. Even when the gang came back to my house to finish up Dokic's quarter finals match and my mum offered us chocolate ice cream. Score for me, not so much for Dokic though, but she put up a great fight!

Confession: before dessert at Max Brenner, we had dinner at Nando's, but hey, the chicken is grilled not fried, right?

x Dianne


-
Currently reading: The Bronze Horseman by Paullina Simons

Nine days gone by since I saw you last

What could you be doing that is so much fun?
Without me by your side
Without me by your side

And I will take a step back, and I’ll let you ahead
And I will take a step away, and see if you come back
Because there’s no more trying to make this right
There’s no more trying
There’s no more trying tonight

We will never be the same
We will never be the same
We will never be the same

We will never be the same